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1、搞笑鬼故事之美差

由于阴间急缺人手,阎王召集了一大批新近死亡、年轻力壮的小鬼,准备安排工作。

张强和李涛都是其中的佼佼者,它俩过五关斩六将,顺利地通过了阎王设下的层层考验,杀进了前十名。

进行最后的面试环节时,阎王问了张强和李涛一个相同的问题:“你们谁会讲外语?”

张强初中上了半截儿就不上了,会哪门子外文啊?所以它只能闷声答道:“俺们村儿的方言算不算?”

而轮到李涛回答时,人家却是一脸自信:“我大学时的专业就是外语,说起来跟普通话一样溜!”

就因为这句话,两个鬼的鬼旅生涯从此走上了截然不同的道路:张强只能当一名普通的鬼差,而李涛却抢到了鬼差中的美差——据说除了在一年一度的全员大会上,普通鬼差想见美差一面都难!

事实也证明了这句话的真实性,因为自从李涛当上了美差之后,张强去找了它几次都没碰到它——这让张强破口大骂李涛没有义气:当上美差也就罢了,居然自己天天在外面吃香的喝辣的,连兄弟都不见!

好不容易到了一年一度的全员大会,张强暗道这次一定要好好教训教训李涛。

所以大会一开始,张强就特地找了门口的座位坐下,从第一个鬼进来就死死地盯着门口,生怕错过了李涛的身影。

会议室里的座位转眼就坐满了,可张强就是没有发现李涛的影子。它心中纠结起来:号称鬼鬼必到的全员大会,李涛居然敢不来参加?

就在张强这么想的时候,却忽然听到身后有人叫喊自己的名字。它回头看去,却发现身后站着的,是一个自己压根就没见过的瘦鬼。

“你……认识我?”张强面露疑惑地看着面前的瘦鬼。

“是我啊,强哥,我是李涛啊!”瘦鬼提提袖子露出一块胎记,声音突然变得哽咽起来,“强哥,连你都不认识我了吗?”

看着瘦鬼胳膊上的胎记,张强终于确定了面前的鬼就是李涛,可李涛生前明明是个二百斤的壮汉,怎么瘦成了这样?

“兄弟,你咋变成这副模样了?”憋了半晌后,张强问出了心中的疑惑。

“还不是那阎王搞的鬼!”李涛猛地一跺脚,愤愤地道,“本来我也以为美差会很舒服,没想是新增的跨国业务!我为了带这个人回来,足足赶了半年的路!”说着,李涛指了指身后一个金发碧眼的外国鬼。

“忘了跟你说了,除了‘美差’之外,还有‘俄差’、‘韩差’、‘非差’……”

Introduce:As a result of Acheron lack manpower urgently, hades was called together one large quantities of recently death, young force is strong impish, preparation arranges the job. Zhang Jiang and Li Tao are the among them person that above average, its two patience behead 6 will, passed Hades smoothly to set the layer upon layer test below, kill before was being entered 10. When having final interview link, hades asked Zhang Jiang and Li Tao a same question: "You who can speak a foreign language? " on Zhang Jiang junior high school half did not go up, the door that where to meet child foreign language? So it can cover tightly only sound answers: "Our village does dialect calculate do not calculate? " and when be turn for Li Tao to reply, the family is one face self-confidence however: "The major when my university is a foreign language, say to sneak away as mandarin! " because of this word, the ghost brigade career of two ghost was on disparate road from now on: Zhang Jiang can be become only an average spirit is poor, and Li Tao grabbed ghost to differ medium cushy job —— however allegedly besides in annual complete member on congress, one side of cushy job of average spirit poor infer is bad! The fact also proved the authenticity of this word, because since Li Tao should go up after cushy job, zhang Jiang went looking for it a few times to did not come up against its —— this lets Li Tao of Zhang Jiang shout abuse do not have personal loyalty: Should go up cushy job also stopped, unexpectedly oneself are very popular outside every day drink hot, disappear even brother! Good arrived not easily annual complete a congress, zhang Jiang dark line must teach homiletic Li Tao a lesson this well. So congress at the beginning, zhang Jiang looked for the seat of the doorway to sit down with respect to specially, come in to staring at a doorway with respect to dead deathtrap from the first ghost, for fear that missed Li Tao's form. The seat in assembly room sits in an instant full, but the sign that Zhang Jiang did not discover Li Tao namely. The kink in its heart rises: What so-called ghost ghost arrives surely is complete a congress, li Tao dare not attend unexpectedly? Think so in Zhang Jiang when, hear back somebody to cry suddenly however oneself name. It looks round, standing behind discovery however, it is a thin ghost that oneself press a root to had not seen. "Does your …… know me? " dew of Zhang Jiang face looks at the thin ghost before questioningly. "Be me, strong elder brother, I am Li Tao! " thin ghost is carried carry arm to show a birthmark, sound becomes suddenly choke with sobs rise, "Strong elder brother, connected you not to know me? " the birthmark that looks at thin ghost arm to go up, zhang Jiang decided the ghost before is Li Tao eventually, ke Litao is a 200 jins Zhuang Han obviously before one's death, how thin became such? "Brother, do you turn this into deputy about how? " hold back after quite a while, zhang Jiang asked a heart medium doubt. "Still not be the spirit that that Hades makes! " Li Tao suddenly

2、搞笑鬼故事之装酷

许久没回寝室的张强今晚突然露面,把我吓了一跳。

“你的腿怎么了?”我指着他小腿上用黑布包裹着的一块儿凸起,惊讶地问道。

张强神秘地一笑,掀开了那黑布,只见他小腿上长着一个漆黑如炭的红眼小鬼!我大骇:“怎么回事?”

“别紧张,这是我自己种的小鬼。”张强说,这种把鬼种在身上,让身上长出鬼怪的玩法最近在灵异社十分流行,而他在追一个灵异社的妹子,所以就咬牙试了一试。现在整个灵异社的人都觉得他酷毙了,妹子也被他成功地追到了手。

我听了这话十分心动,因为恰巧我也对灵异社的一个妹子心仪已久了。于是我说道:“兄弟,我也在追灵异社的一个妹子,能不能……”我冲着张强讨好地笑了笑。

“没问题!”张强看穿了我的心思,爽快地教给了我种鬼的方法。我大喜,依照他的指点在网上购买了由高人制作将鬼封印在里面的种子,然后忍痛在腿上剜了一刀,将那种子埋进了伤口。

没过几天,我的腿奇痒无此,然后就能摸到异样的凸起了。我低头一看,小鬼真的长了出来。几天之后,我带着这个小鬼去跟妹子告白,果然成功了。

“你真是太酷了!”妹子激动地说道。

心愿达成,我就开始想着怎么把这鬼从腿上弄掉——那毕竟是鬼,眼看着它一天天长大,这样下去也不是办法呀!于是我白天想夜里想,躺在床上翻来覆去的,怎么都睡不着。就在我烦恼的时候,身体却突然不由自主地动了起来,然后飞快地冲出寝室,向学校后山奔去——是腿上的小鬼干的,我的脚一直没挨地!

后山是一片坟头,我还没来得及想明白这是怎么回事呢,其中一个坟头便爬出了一个面白如纸的可怖女鬼。那女鬼径直爬到我面前,好一阵打量,终于在我要被它吓晕前开了口:“你竟然真的让身上长了个人?酷毙了,我答应做你的女朋友!”

我心一惊,原来小鬼也在借着我装酷?紧接着,更令我心惊的事情发生了:

“太好了!”小鬼“嘿嘿”一笑,然后猛地一挣,它便在我撕裂般的痛楚中,离开了我的腿。然后不知道它从哪儿摸出几根蜡烛,用力插在了我的脑子里,“食材我也带来了,咱们吃顿烛光晚餐庆祝一下吧!”

Introduce:For a long time did not answer the Zhang Jiang of the dormitory to appear suddenly tonight, frightened me jump. "Your leg how? " I am pointing to his crus to go up to lapping with black cloth at the same place raised, ask surprisingly. Zhang Jiang uncannily laughs, lifted that black cloth, see there is on his crus only inky those who be like charcoal is red-eyed and impish! I am big be astonished: "How to return a responsibility? " " fasten insecurity, this is myself those who plant is impish. " Zhang Jiang says, this kind plants ghost on the body, let what a phantom grows on the body play a law to be in recently clever different company is very popular, and the girl that he is seeking company of a clever different, try with respect to gnash one's teeth so. The person of company of different of whole now spirit feels he is very cool, the girl also was chased after successfully by him hand. I heard this word very enchanted, because happen,I also am admired in the heart to a girl of clever different company long already. Then my say: "Brother, I also am pursueing a girl of clever different company, can …… " I am strong Zhang Jiang laughs fawningly. "Sure! " Zhang Jiang detection my idea, taught me readily kind of method of ghost. My great rejoicing, according to his gave directions to be bought on the net make the seed that is ghost seal inside by tall person, go up in the leg very reluctantly next cut out one knife, bury that seed into cut. Had done not have a few days, my leg is strange urticant without this, can feel next peculiar raised. I lower my head to look, impish grew really. After a few days, I am taking this impish go following girl confess, succeeded as expected. "You are really too cruel! " the girl is excited ground say. The wish is reached, I begin to wanting how to play this dirty trick from the leg —— is ghost after all then, the eye looks at it to be brought up every day, such going down also is not method! Then I think at night by day, lie on the bed again and again, how to sleep to be not worn. It is when I am vexed, the body can'ts help suddenly however quake rise, develop a dormitory rapidly next, going straight towards —— to the hill after the school is a leg those who go up is impish dry, my foot did not endure the ground all the time! Hill is a grace mound after, I still do not have there's still time to want to understand this is how to return a responsibility, among them what a grace mound climbed paper of Bai Ru of a face is dread female ghost. Then female ghost climbs me directly before, good one is looked up and down, should be frightened by it in me eventually dizzy before opened a mouth: "Do you let go up personally really actually grew an individual? Very cool, I promise to do your girlfriend! " my heart one Jing, impish before also borrowing me to install cruel? Back-to-back, make me more the thing of heart Jing happened: "Too good! " impish " hey hey " laugh, earn suddenly next, it tears off the anguish like in me in, left me

3、搞笑鬼故事之鬼市

张成和王东是灵异爱好者,两个人经常一起研究鬼的事情。这天,张成捧着一本古书找到了王东:“我知道‘鬼市’在哪里了!”

“‘鬼市’,就是传说中鬼生活的地方?”王东一下子来了兴致,“在哪儿,咱们去逛逛。”

按照古书上记载的方法,他们来到城隍庙前,闭着眼绕了城隍庙足足六圈。睁开眼时,面前已经是一座陌生的城市。耳边人声鼎沸,但仔细看去,大街上走的店铺里站的,都是干奇百怪的鬼。

他们定了定神,兴奋地往鬼市深处走去。

走着走着,他们肚子有点儿饿了,一摸口袋却一分钱都没有。张成张望了一下,看到不远处有一座恢弘的建筑,上面挂着一块金字牌匾:善行司。那里正在施粥,他们忙不迭地跑过去,却被一个差役模样的鬼挡在门外。

“你们是什么鬼?”差役问道。

王东肚子正饿,便眼珠一转道:“饿死鬼。”

差役摆了摆手:“饿死鬼禁止人内,穷死鬼可以吃粥。”

“为什么?”王东急了。

“饿死鬼大多是做了坏事被堕入饿鬼道的,不值得同情。但是穷死鬼大多是勤劳正直的穷苦百姓,符合我们的救济原则。”

眼看蹭粥无望,他们只能继续往前走。

王东眼尖,发现了路边一家小饭馆。这次,他们大摇大摆地走进饭馆。一个浑身是血的店小二拦住了他们:“两位客官,请问你们是什么鬼?”

怎么又是这个问题?鬼的规矩还真多。这次张成抢着回答道:“我们是穷死鬼,穷死鬼!”

店小二二话不说,提着他们的衣领就把他们扔了出来。

“穷死鬼禁止入内,饿死鬼免单。”

“凭什么?”

“饿死鬼虽然饿,但是喉咙细,吃不了东西,反而能给我们增加客流量;而穷死鬼呢,吃得多,又没有几个能付得起钱的!”店小二说完,就“砰”一声把门关上了。

两个人又碰了一鼻子灰,只能继续往前走。忙活了这么久,他们早就饿得眼冒金星。这一次又看到一间小房子,刚巧有个鬼一脸舒心的表情、抚摸着肚子从房子里走了出来。和前两次一样,小房子门口也站着一个看门的鬼。

两人争先恐后地跑到房子前,一人拉住那个鬼的一只手叫道:“我是饿死鬼!”“我是穷死鬼!”

那鬼瞥了他们一眼:“我管你们是什么鬼,这里是公厕!”

Introduce:Zhangcheng and Wang Dong are clever different lover, two people often study the issue of ghost together. This day, zhang Cheng was holding an ancient books in both hands to find Wang Dong: "I know ' ghost town ' where be! " " ' ghost town ' , be the place that the ghost in fokelore lives? " Wang Dong came at a draught interest, "Where be, we go rambling. " the method according to the account on ancient books, they come to the front of town god's temple, shut have sth in mind to circle town god's temple fully 6. Open when opening one's eyes, a new city has been before. Noisy and confused of side side voice, but young scrutiny goes, of the station in the shop that visits on the ave, it is Gan Ji 100 strange ghost. Their compose oneself, agitato goes in past ghost town. Going, their abdomen is a little hungry, feel a pocket however a minute of money is done not have. Zhang Cheng look around, see the building that has an extensive great nearby, there is board of word of one gold nugget above: Beneficent department. Congee is being applied over there, they are busy incessantly ground runs over, be blocked to be outside the door by the ghost of about of a v/arc corvee however. "What ghost are you? " v/arc corvee asks. Wang Dong abdomen hungry, eyeball one go by way of: "Starved to death ghost. " v/arc corvee places a hand: "Starved to death ghost prohibits inside the person, poor devil can take congee. " " why? " Wang Dong is urgent. "Starved to death spirit made evildoing be by indulge in ghoul mostly, undeserved sympathize with. But the poverty-stricken common people that poor devil is laborious integrity mostly, accord with our relief principle. " soon loiter congee all up, they can continue to go forth only. Wang Dong sharp-eyed, discovered roadside a small restaurant. This, they walk into a restaurant swaggeringly. A shop that is blood all over is small 2 blocked them: "Two guests official, what ghost are you excuse me? " how be this problem? The custom of ghost is really much still. This Zhang Cheng is grabbing an answer to: "We are poor devil, poor devil! " shop is small 22 words do not say, the collar that carrying them threw them. "Poor devil no admittance, starved to death ghost relieves sheet. " " by what? " " although starved to death ghost is hungry, but throat is fine, cannot have a thing, can increase guest flow to us instead; And poor devil, eat more, do not have a few to be able to pay those who have money again! " shop is small 2 say, " phut " closed the door. Two people touched one nose ash again, can continue to go forth only. Worked so long, they get see stars early with respect to hunger. See a little room this again, just have a sinister plot the expression of heart of one face easy, touching abdomen to go from the house. Before mixing two same, there also is the ghost of a guard the entrance at the door little room. Two people before ground of strive to be the first runnings to the house, one person pulls a hand of that ghost to rave: "I am starved to death ghost! " " I am poor devil! " " I am poor devil!!